Monday, December 1, 2008 5:35 PM
nowadays, i have trouble sleeping each night. I'll be awake for till late 2-3 am and i woke up in the morning at 7-8 am. Which means, i have only 4-5 hours of sleeping. I HATE that. but i do it anyways. I just can't sleep. I have a fear. I have a fear of the future. You never know what will happen to you the next morning- you have 2 options: you either wake up and go on with life or you will never wake up forever. this two options keep bugging me. Those one choice maybe better than the other, but it seems like i just wanna run away from the reality, the truth and from my life.
I wanna go somewhere far away where no one knows me. I wanna travel and enjoy my life without worries. bringing 2 important things in my life: my camera and my laptop. to me, they are the most important things. i dun care about money, phone or wateva stuff. i think without both that i item, i will not survive.
Each time, i think about school, i have this fear, uneasiness in me, a disappointment in myself. I dislike the people who ask me questions about my school. it made me uneasy, uncomfortable, feel that i wanna get out of the world. those people, just dun understand what i go through cause they are not going the same path as me.
You know, there are days that I lost trust in GOD. they are days that i wanna believe in Him. But how can i maintain the second action when everything that is planned seems vague. My friends, my parents, the church told me to believe in Him. But i have such a weak heart, that have been crushed down and broken into pieces that glueing each piece will be difficult. Who should believe? Who should I trust? Can I really move on? I feel like ending it will be the easy way out, but it will the coward way to do... hopefully someone can understand.
Currently : Oh My friend- Big Bang
memories brings back happy moments
