Sunday, December 28, 2008 12:43 PM
Yo peepz!I'll be out of the madtown for till next year. I'm going to chicago~~ so see you all next year~
i'll update as soon as i get back~
xoxo
currently listening: Secret - Maroon 5
memories brings back happy moments
Thursday, December 18, 2008 10:06 PM
gossip, rumors, watever else you call it....they travel fast don't they?
ah me, i dun really care about gossip or rumors. i think if you ask me what's the latest rumor about something, i would know nothing. I would probably be the last person to know. why? first, im not that nosy, well, i dun care about other people business. i mean im not done with me, why should i care about others? plus im not that sensitive about that kind of stuff.
i think i love to be a joker. i mean i consider myself to look joke around, prank a lot and find victims to disturb. ya...i used to play around my close friends. call me a fool, but my friends love me for being me...im glad i can be with the close friends that i have.
I mean i dont need a lot of friends who just know me from outside. i just need a close friend who knows me well.
memories brings back happy moments
Tuesday, December 16, 2008 1:18 PM
I HATE STEREOTYPE
Some people think they know me, but they actually don't. they just associate with the typical stereotypes. So what if i like korean stuff, it's not like im crazy about them. Im just a regular person who like korean music. is that wrong? So what if i like makeup? I just like how they make me feel pretty and good. You know i had a hard time loving myself who i am. I've been hurting myself alot. makeup is just a tool to help me feel good at myself. Besides i don't wear them a lot, just an occasion. My bff told me, those people are just jealous. I'm not sure. maybe they are. If i have some thing i like, is that wrong? is it wrong to be different? You know i really hate to be the same. i hate uniform. I hate to be compared the same as people. Those people who like that don't really know me at all. My mom and dad love me for being different. They believe that i should be different from others. And they are proud of me to be different. SO why do people keep giving me the stereotypical look. Don't compare me with those people when you don't know me at all.
Some people have their own interest and I have mine. So what if i like those. Im not idolizing them. it's just an interest and hobby of mine. nothing wrong with that. DOn't be full of yourself to think that you are right and you know a lot about me. Those people just make sick. I HATE THEM I HATE!!!
memories brings back happy moments
11:28 AM
I wake up today after having a serious weird dream. Maybe I was thinking a lot last night. I feel like i am running away from the truth. Pretending to be happy, but having inside the serious damage that i have done for my future. If you look at me, I am a girl with no future. I mean i have no major and the major that i am planning to take does not interest me at all. When can people understand. When can my parents understand. When will others care. Well, i dont care what others care cause what they care about is themselves or they pretend to care. I really hate that.
SOmetimes, i wanna go away alone to place where no one knows me. I just feel happy doing that. I feel that i have done too much damage. I do feel that I am an outsider in here. I feel that I am different and i think differently that no one understand me. When i try to explain myself, they just ignore the idea or pretending to understand. Ok. I am stupid.
In a month time, im gonna be 20. It just so difficult thinking about it. My family wants me to have a guy soon. Ok. find. When i take a look at my life, I would say there are three guys evolving in my life. Each of them have their own different personality and level of closeness to me. Yet, I don't even know if i like either of them. To me, I just need someone similar to me, close to me and understandable that he was patience enough to help go through these adulthood situation. Im not a nice girl like what people see me to be. I can be very mean and sometime, once someone betray me or make me feel hurt once, i sometimes refuse to be friend with them.
He left a few days ago. Usually, I know the presence that he was always there. I mean he was just a call away. I can just call him and talk to him and he would make everything better. Now, he's gone. OK. you can do it girl. you got your own self to support. just dont really on other people. In front of other, I feel like i need to be independent. but in front of him, Im being myself, totally fragile and not being able to cope the problem myself. I guess his serenades comfort me alot. ya...of course he cared a lot about me and loved me alot. as i am his "daughter"
memories brings back happy moments
Tuesday, December 9, 2008 1:28 PM
almost everytime i heard this sentences "grow up, Jenn! you are no longer a kid!"
someone please wake up and tell me it's not true. Ok, i admit, i'm immature and can be stubborn sometime. i keep telling myself " THOU SHALL NOT BE SELFISH"
oh well...i try to do that. but ya...sacrificing it's hard. i really try not to be dependent on people. i guess being to dependent on people is wrong. ok jenn. now you have to be independent.
Currently listening: How come - Brown eyed girls
memories brings back happy moments
Saturday, December 6, 2008 10:41 AM
In the next 2 months, xmas and new year are coming~ plus my b-day is coming as well. im gonna be 20, sadly T_T.so...dear santa, if you read this blog. please make my wish come true....Here's my wish list...
1. sephora gift card
2. Nars Blush in Orgasm and Deep Throat
3. Polaroid Camera
4. Louis Vuitton Damier Azur Speedy 30
5. Blackberry Bold
6. Iphone 3G
7. Someone special
8. Canon camera Lens
9. a guitar
10. A wish that never end
I may look selfish asking for all of these items, but it doesnt matter if i dun get any of them. Well, a girl can dream can't they?
Currently Listening: Don't trust men - Lee Minwoo
memories brings back happy moments
Monday, December 1, 2008 5:35 PM
nowadays, i have trouble sleeping each night. I'll be awake for till late 2-3 am and i woke up in the morning at 7-8 am. Which means, i have only 4-5 hours of sleeping. I HATE that. but i do it anyways. I just can't sleep. I have a fear. I have a fear of the future. You never know what will happen to you the next morning- you have 2 options: you either wake up and go on with life or you will never wake up forever. this two options keep bugging me. Those one choice maybe better than the other, but it seems like i just wanna run away from the reality, the truth and from my life.
I wanna go somewhere far away where no one knows me. I wanna travel and enjoy my life without worries. bringing 2 important things in my life: my camera and my laptop. to me, they are the most important things. i dun care about money, phone or wateva stuff. i think without both that i item, i will not survive.
Each time, i think about school, i have this fear, uneasiness in me, a disappointment in myself. I dislike the people who ask me questions about my school. it made me uneasy, uncomfortable, feel that i wanna get out of the world. those people, just dun understand what i go through cause they are not going the same path as me.
You know, there are days that I lost trust in GOD. they are days that i wanna believe in Him. But how can i maintain the second action when everything that is planned seems vague. My friends, my parents, the church told me to believe in Him. But i have such a weak heart, that have been crushed down and broken into pieces that glueing each piece will be difficult. Who should believe? Who should I trust? Can I really move on? I feel like ending it will be the easy way out, but it will the coward way to do... hopefully someone can understand.
Currently : Oh My friend- Big Bang
memories brings back happy moments
