Her name is misscherie
Currently studying in university of Wisconsin-madison 01191989 is her day; photography is her obsession.
She is currently single
my life is a circus...the exact word that can describe the entire life.
ok, it's been more than a week of my holiday. you can say im enjoying it, but im sure you know that i really get bored sometimes. just spending my time watching videos. and wad, i do cross stitch. ya ppl may think im a loser to do that, well, f"ck those ppl. i just love art and craft stuff, as you may know, i really like art, colours and fashion. that's really my thing. my passion if you can say.
ok, my friends are now off with their romantic cruise, while, i'm still sailing on my single boat. happy?i may say so sometimes. but i do get lonely sometimes. if you notices, when my friends get their loves, i tend to back off from the friendship, just a little. i dunno why, but that's just me. cuz i kinda hate to interfere them, kinda prefer by myself too, instead of seeing them the lovey-dovey way. there other things that i do sometimes, i have this fear of being forgotten. cuz, people in my life simple come and go, and they just left you know. and it hurts when they do that.
ok, i think i have something to say about my own relationship. as you know, no progress, just cuz, i'm too lazy to work for it. cuz i know in the end, the results are all gonna be the same, they just have no feeling for me. so why do i bother to sacrifice another feeling of mine. you think i'm scared. the truth, i am scared. i am scared to try to love someone. my mom thinks i must change a little, be more aggressive, and all. but it isn't like me. i hate doing that, cuz i know when i do that. ntohing works. i dun wan anymore heartbrokens. you know, my friends try to match me with mr. nice guy. ok, he's nice and all, and we got similar characteristics. but the more i think about it, the more that i know he dun suit me. we got common favourites. maybe a little, but it's not enough. or maybe cuz i know nothing about it. nah. you cannot force love. if you tell me, i cannot force myself to like someone. i'll get hurt and so will he. hate to do that. so, this girl who dream about fairy tale, will just gonna wait. i'm sure there's someone who will loves for me...
currently listening: MC Mong-Circus
memories brings back happy moments
please let me get over this
Friday, May 23, 2008 2:20 AM
I know this kinda stupid, but i had slept like at 9PM...yet i woke up suddenly at 1. really bad dream keeping me awake for nights. didn't i tell you i have done with finals and now what i have been doing is just completely emptying my brain out and now there's seems to be nothing inside. ok. i've been daydreaming for days and nights. too much dreaming just keeping myself in misery.
this summer seems like a summer for love. ok. again. no love for me. hahaha..maybe i laugh at this to myself, yet i maybe hurting inside. sometimes, when you think that you like someone and that someone may like you back, yet the truth is, they don't feel the same way. how would you feel about that? well, just cuz it happends to me alot, not easy for me to fall for other people. maybe sometimes if i do tell that i may like someone, i dun completely like them. they do give me some nervousness, but that's all they give. no sparks no ntohing.
it's not my fault that i'm like this. my mom been worried about me, that she asked me to soon find a guy to kinda complete my life. but you what they say, it's not as easy as it looks. sometimes, i wanna open up to people, yet words just can't come out and i would stuck in silence. i like to keep the problesms within myself. and when they increases, they just added the burden inside me.
you know, i can;t be someone else for people to love me. the truth, i hardly being myself sometimes towards people. it's just the other part of me wont come out whenever im around my friends. im not telling you that i'm being fake or something, yet i can't be myself. that's really my weakness. i always live up to other people expectation, and kinda disappointing when i don't.
been sick of school, been sick of life sometimes. but im glad to have both of my parents. i guess they really know how to handle this stubborn daughter of their that always to act immature. i dunno. sometimes, i would be in tears for no reasons. maybe when i go back to indo this time, there's a sense of not wanting to go back. i really wanna start a new life. a new me. yet, it's difficult.
Currently listening: The best you never had - Leona Lewis
memories brings back happy moments
stop be such a day dreamer
Saturday, May 17, 2008 9:10 PM
Come on, Grow up, you're 19. no longer a child!
my parents said this to me. i guess, i cannot lose my character of being so childish. SOmetimes, i can be so stubborn that everything that i want, i MUST get it. i know it's wrong. i really have this bad habit, that if i don't get what i want, i would lock myself out, slammed doors and keep silent. It's pretty bad, doing this. well, my mom will scold me if i do this.
I think i made the wrong choices. maybe I should've have gone home early. looking around me, people are busy with stuff, of course they wont come to keep me company. if i brag too much, i'lll just cause them trouble. so i'll probably keep the pain within me. it hurts though.
people are busy. there's no to keep me company. my friends in CA are busy, the ones in Seattle too. My cupcake just started skool, so is my hunny. My muffin got her o'level. my friends in here got their jobs n summer class. and me. i stay at home. i guess, i'll probably make a fool of myself.
sometimes when i told them, i'm not sad, i'm not hurt, but inside me, it does feel pain though. i can't tell people the truth. i guess i'm a very closed person. not easy for me to trust people with my feelings. cause i dun want people to see me as weak. but dun u think it make me look like a fake. i guess that's how i live my life. sometimes, it's too hard to be myself.
i'm being all emo and moody right now. not because of my friends, just because i'm blaming myself to be such a babo. oh well, let it me, let me keep quiet. maybe they'll forget about it. i guess, what i wrote in the blog is really my true feelings. i mean im not a person who's good with words or talking with people. i like to keep my own problems to me. even my friends, my parents dun know about it. i can cry over silly things yet, there's sometimes no reason to cry.
the song that i'm playing really keep me sad as the words are like:
Apa ku tak pantas dicinta Apakah diri ini tak layak mencinta Apakah memang tak ada cinta untuk diriku ini
well, maybe i just need to stop being stubborn, selfish and greedy. u see it's not easy for me to love someone now,cuz i've been hurt sometimes. i'm tired of looking for new love. though i may be hungry for love, i ask people to love me, yet i can't lvoe other people. and i dun even love myself. how can i get love others then. right. i am really a babo. oh well, every seconds, minutes and days, have gone so quick, and why am i the only one that don't want to change?
CUrrently Listening: Kisah Aku-Marvells
memories brings back happy moments
The war is about to start
Thursday, May 8, 2008 5:23 PM
ok. 1 week from freedom. and now im preparing for my battle. ephine also has her own battle. with both of our parents cheering for us. we are going to use all our energy till the very end, shedding each tears and blood till we could no longer feel the pain. hahahaha....literally...
ok... list of exams: sunday morning: OTM monday afternoon: FInance WEd afternoon: Math Thurs afternoon: Marketing
am i prepared? i don;t think so. well, with the limited time. i will do everyhting to memorize all. just like wad my guardian angel said "I will never let you fall, I stand up with you forever, I'll be there with you through it all..."
ok...special thanks for my nonstop cheerleaders: my mommy and daddy ^^ Love you both!
currently: Your Guardian ANgel - Red jumpsuit Apparatus
memories brings back happy moments
Hope everything is well worth
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 9:47 AM
After gazing at my laptop for days and hours, i think my eyes started to get the funny feeling. I'm pretty sure the intensity in my eyes has tremendous increase and my eye doctor would probably banned me later from ever touching computer for a while.
Looks like something been good. although it's a small thing. but it's just everything kinda flow smooth. at least i hope. my proff, agree to see my draft, which made me kinda excited but i kinda need to finish by today.
with an empty stomach, i wrote this blog with no meaning, and wasted like 10 mins where i can use to write my own paper for at least 2-3 lines at least. but still, my 8 fingers cant still seem to stop typing (i type with 8 fingers, the 2 pinkies, dun do anything). well....weird, i know.
Muffin, wasnt feeling well, got headache because the goal for futsal fall on her. poor her....get well soon, hunni...
today, im tired, hungry and sleepy. but i still have exactly 10 more days to go, till i'm done.
God, hopefully, i got my summer class done soon as well as my ticket back home. that's all i ask...
a video that sadden me....
Currently Listening: Prisoner of Love-Utada Hikaru
