Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:09 PM

Back from my thanksgiving days, I felt a bit disappointed but it was one relaxing trip, I really have so much FUN!

WHy I love my life? It's simple. I just have to. At first, I always think how horrible my life always has been and really willing to disappear away from this world. But, I know it's not the right thing to do. It's just the same as running away. I may not like my life now, but since i have started it, i just have to learn to enjoy it. I'm sure there will be tonz of excitements coming along with tons of obstacles.

After talking with my friend, I basically am a lucky girl. I have a family that loves me so much. I have a good education. I can live without lack of food or lack of money. I have tonz of friends who care about me. and most of all, GOD loves me too! See how lucky i am! I'm sure everyone in the world are, is just how you see it may be different from the way i see it.

Talking about love in my life. As I mentioned before, I have no love experience. I'm super duper no idea about love. SOme people say love is sweet, some say love is bitter. well, i really cannot judge it now. But all i know the love from my family, friends and God are the greatest love of all, there is nothing that can compete them.

AS you can see, I may be lost right now, but each day, I collect bits and pieces of puzzles that will eventually be complete and create one full picture that will describe my life. no more complaining from now on. I'll try!

Really trying to be myself. I'm not a kind person. I can sometimes be a bitch...who can be really mean to people, especially people who have hurt me or people who i dislike. Must change now! not a really good thing to do. how i will do it? well, that's what i need to find out too myself...

cheer up, my friends! there are tons of things that you need to worry beside your love life!

Quote of the day:

“There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.”

Currently Listening: 三个心愿 by F.I.R.

memories brings back happy moments

Saturday, November 17, 2007 10:24 PM

Am I too late to be in love? I mean. My friends have experienced what is love. They say it was beautiful and amazing. But It can also be painful. I wonder, will experience love too? I wonder, when will I feel it?
According the some news i read somewhere, there should be one special person for every person in this world. Is that true? I wonder. Sometime, I used to believe that every human in the world have this invisible ribbon that link them to their significant other. Sounded crazy right? but I believe in it.

Dear someone who has always been looking after me,
sorry for keeping you awake for the whole day, I'm sure you must be tired looking after me while I was doing my paper yesterday. I was too focus on my paper that I forgot about you. Can't believe that every morning you wake me with a smile that brightens my day. And sorry for making myself sick, i was being stubborn over things. How's your wings? I remember you were injured the other day after guarding me from them. I can still the scar on them. Let me kiss it and make the pain go away. After all you have been guarding me. There's so much things that I want to talk to you about but, I am getting pretty tired, and I am sure you are too. well, thanks for brightening my day today, my angel.

your child.
P.S. PLease tell GOD, thanks for guiding me through my paper

Quote of the day:

“To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything”

Currently listening: Inconsolable - Backstreet Boys

memories brings back happy moments

Thursday, November 15, 2007 7:57 PM

Today's menu: too many junk food i'm not supposed to eat. Sorry mom T_T OMG!! Allergy alert! very uncomfortable right now!

Have you ever wander to yourself? how the sun rise? or why there is moon? or why things happen in our life? i kept wandering about this things that sometimes got me thinking? What is the purpose for me to here? Why was i born? I had no idea about this questions.

today, I spent most of my time doing my paper. Argh! and still, i hvn't finished them. terrible terrible me. got to talk to my dearest sister, ner, about my relationship with mr. sleepyhead. Well, the truth is, i don't even know myself. I'm still unsure about my feelings and so I want to take it slow. Plus, I still have no idea how he felt about me.

What is love anywayz? i know it's sounded so sweet, but i heard that it can be painful at the same time. If you ask me, I never been in love. I mean all flings that i have are just crushes...plus it's just a fling. But I do get hurt. That's the worst part. The part of Love that I know is that my family loves me. They accept me as who I am and also my dearest best friend also love me. I'm really glad to have meet her so early in my life. Thanks Jo, I'm so glad to find you. I also love my extended family, and they care about me alot too. Papa Allan, Mami Irene, Deeyan, Nerissa, CImoet, Ivi...ok...I'm pretty glad to have them in my life. Not to mention as well, my new friends in madison, I'm so glad to know them too. OK...why am i writing as i'm going to leave somewhere...hahahaha...

To Mr. Sleepyhead: Thanks for the support! Fighting!!!^^

Quote of the day: “Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.”

Currently Listening: 最長的電影 - 周杰伦 (This song makes me think of Mr. Sleepyhead)

memories brings back happy moments

Monday, November 12, 2007 9:48 PM

Today's menu: Fried tofu with minced beef and veggie

He left me hanging...I'm confused.

Currently Listening: 사랑이 떠나다 - Super Junior

사랑이 떠나다 (She's gone)

내게서 언제부터 지친걸까
When did it start, you feeling weary being with me?
난 네게 무엇을 힘들게 한 걸까
Was it me who made you feel this way?
더 이상 아무런 말도 더하지 않는 너에게
You no longer say anything, with you
이제는 물을수도 없는 내가 돼 버린걸
I'm afraid the current me has changed such that I'm no longer able to ask

흔한 투정도 한 번 없이 그저 넌 착한 미소로 웃어주는
Even the usual affection has gone, not even once You just smile
그 눈에 스치는 슬픔 놓쳐버린건
To cover the misery from your eyes
무심했던 미련함인걸 미안해 my love
Maybe it's my unintentional foolishness, I'm sorry, my love

돌아서는 너를 보며 사랑이 걷혀가던
Seeing you turn your back away from me, love leaving me
시간이 이제야 내게도 보이고 있지만
Even though you are still with me, but
이별이란 순간처럼 오는거라 생각했지
I'm already able to see the moment when you'll leave me
내게 이렇게 스며들고 있었다는 걸 몰랐었어
I wonder if you ever did loved me deeply, I wouldn't know

다시 되돌릴 수 있다면...
If you are coming back...
아니 한번만 다시 웃어준다면...
No, if even once more will you smile at me...
혼자서 지친 니 맘을 안지 못한건
I can't support your heart that is alone
어리석은 자존심인걸 미안해 my love
Maybe it's because of my pride, I'm sorry, my love

차가워진 너를 보며 이별이 번져가는
Seeing you slowly turning cold towards me
순간을 이제는 어쩔수 없음을 난 알지만
I know now I'm helpless with the moment of you leaving me looming
사랑이란 이름으로 서서히 물들때처럼
Just like how love is slowly dieing
내게 사랑이 떠나가고 있었다는걸 몰랐었어
My love I once had has left me and I don't know

미안하다는 말조차도 이렇게나 미안한데
Even saying words of apology, I am sorry but, OH~
이런 내가 무슨말을 어떻게 해야할까
What should I say, what should I do?
숨조차 쉴 수 없을만큼 어지러워
Even breathing has become difficult
놓쳐버린 시간속을 서둘러 헤매어봐도
I'm still wandering in past times
이제와 할 수 있는 건 없다는 것을...
At this moment, I really am helpless

돌아서는 너를 보며 사랑이 걷혀가던
Seeing you turn your back away from me, love leaving me
시간이 이제야 내게도 보이고 있지만
Even though you are still with me, but
이별이란 순간처럼 오는거라 생각했지
I'm already able to see the moment when you'll leave me
내게 이렇게 스며들고 있었다는 걸 몰랐었어
I wonder if you ever did loved me deeply, I wouldn't know

@credit to soompi

memories brings back happy moments

Sunday, November 11, 2007 6:36 PM

Today's menu: Had panera's french onion soup for breakfast, a left-over plain porridge for lunch n just Swedish meatballs for dinner.

Today, I was extremely exhausted and so i took a nap for 2 hours. I had this completely ridiculous dream of superman. WAKAKAKA..ok? funny right? I couldn't wake up when i had this dream. I heard my alarm clock, but my eyes were just too heavy to open, till Merry called me.

I went to Blackhawk church today. Learn something good. "It's OK to doubt"
Honestly, I doubt myself a lot. I doubt about my talents, I doubt about my education, I doubt about my love and I sometimes even doubt GOD. Do you doubt yourself? SOmetimes my parents did not believe the talents that I might have. They tell me.."NO" or "You Can't" the more of these phrases, the more i doubt myself, "What can I do then?" I sometimes wonder, if I didn't choose to take business as my major, would I be happy to be a graphic designer? I always have doubt on myself, there's something in me, these little voices in my head telling I can't do it. It pressure me to do something beyond my comfort zone. I even believe it might suppress the hidden talent that I might actually have.

When I doubt about GOD, it's usually when I was testing HIM. I learn that today in my small group. We often test GOD. When I ask GOD something, and I didn't get what I expected, that's when this doubt occur. Luckily, I was able to look back that it was actually my own personal fault.

I also doubt about Love. I doubt about my feelings about someone. Whether it is real or it is just a fling. SOmetimes you don't even know what is love. SOmetimes if you thinking about someone so hard, and hopefully can fall in love with them, i didn't feel that's love. Right now, I really doubt about my feelings. I doubt that now I even care about this particular person. I'm still searching for the answer.

Quote of the day: "Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there." -Cullen Hightower
Currently Listening: Yuki no Hana - Nakashima Mika (This song kinda reminds me of the past, I don't why, the music let my reflect on my past)

memories brings back happy moments

1:38 AM

Today's menu: BBQ- Sausages n brats

Guess where am i right now? I'm at edgewood studying like hell and it's 1.39 AM...hahahaha..spending my time at school to study, so NOT me at all. Well, I guess i'm overly preoccupied with assignments that almost exhausted me. ARGH!! I need more sleep.

OK, let me recap u with the things that happend in the past two days. I havnt studying with sylvi on friday. and we're kinda make a fool of ourselves. dunno wad happend to us??? we're kinda make false prediction that let us into stupid stuff. But it was fun! I also watch the play alone. It was a good play.

Today, we're kinda have a indoor BBQ. It was OK. I was full with 3 sausages and a half brat. Then we went to burlington mall and i got a coat, a cardigan n a glove. ARGH...not another shopping. STUPID me! ok...no more shopping till thankgiving.

Currently Listening: As long as I got you-Ten 2 Five

memories brings back happy moments

Thursday, November 8, 2007 10:36 PM

Today menu: Soup with mixed veggie, spam and meatballs

hahaha...i'm just joking..i'm too young to get married. I'm not even 20 yet..n not loooking forward to turn 20...just like maki...I watch this cute and funny video that my friend, Brian, show me. hahaha...Maki is so cute...i mean..her answers are so funny, i especially like the part where she said she likes to fell asleep in the train n not realizing her surrounding.

When she woke she realized she was sitting at the proper japanese sitting. hahaha. I think Maki and Yamapi made a really cute couple...and I'm so looking forward to watch them again. enough said. It was a funny interview but i didn't get to finish it. T_T

Well, today, i did some work, well,kinda most of the work that I'm planning to do, which is good. Two things happen to me surprisingly. Related to some kind of business stuff. I was kinda surprised. Maybe GOD has new challenges for me. I'll prepare myself n be ready when the time come.

Chat with ner-chan a lot. Sorry to disturb u my little sis. with all my suju links..waakakaka...pretty sorry. next time, i'll try not to do it anymore. >.<

I was crazy over this particular song. ok...the song is incredibly sweet and the video just melted my heart...hahaha..i think i was smiling when i watch this video. OMG, they all look so cute and neat in their white suits....and donghae oppa..OMG...hahaha..so cute...ok2...I must stop...hahaha sorry2...

ner2, i think we must stop watching suju for a moment till the holiday. do u think we can do that???

QUote of the day: "Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away." ~ Elbert Hubbard
Currently listening: Marry U-Super Junior

memories brings back happy moments

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 10:24 PM

Today's Menu: Beef fried mix with veggie

Remember what I wrote yesterday. I was questioning myself about how I feel towards this particular person. Guess wad happen? I dunno if it's because GOD heard my prayer. He finally called. Even just a simple conversation just made me so happy. I'm glad i haven't change my mind about him. Although we only have a casual talk, I'm happy...because he knows how i felt.

Today, I spend hours looking for some of my transcript stuff n found other useless things...then I found some letters that my friend wrote to me for my 18th birthday. It's november. I can't believe i'm turning 19 soon. I feel good but at the same time i feel sad. My life has so little colors because i almost do the same things everyday. I need more color in my life to keep me happy.

Quote of the day:
" Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this." - Stephen Packer -
Currently listening to: Marry U-Super Junior

memories brings back happy moments

Tuesday, November 6, 2007 10:31 PM

Today's menu: Fried rice

Let see...which is more "gembul"? wakakakaka...
this is due to stress...which lead to narcissism...hahaha..i found there is actually a narcissism disorder. kinda interesting. Hvn't look much on it yet. But when i do, i'll tell you guyz more about it.

I totally not satisfied again with what I did today. I did very little work, again. totally disappointed with myself.

well, just hope tomorrow, i'll work more better.

Quote of the day: "Ahead lies something you need -- but to claim it, you must lose something dear" -Kingdom Hearts

Currently listening: Tell me - Wonder girls

memories brings back happy moments

11:32 AM

Mood: Pretty Mellow
Ok, currently most of my friends are either feeling sad or not feeling good. I personally feel that too. I feel pretty mellow myself. I was browsing through this art website and the word "romantic" just appear in my head. I feel a bit lonely sometimes. Right now, as usual, i'm alone at home, with my aromatherapy fill the room with a nice scent.

Suddenly, i was reminded of something. It's been ages since I last time talk to you. My heart starting to be more fragile. There is always this feeling of whether I should continue to feel the same or I should just stop cause I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm scared. My heart is fragile. I bet it can no longer hold the bitterness of a broken heart. What should I do?

I kept silent. I'm scared to bother you. I'm scared to disturb you. I'm scared to do something that would offended you. That's why i remind silent. I'll just wait till you call. Until you tell me that it is now OK to call you.

it's been quite a while, it may be hard to kept the same feeling. Yet, I just wanna let you know, my heart still feel the same about you. So, whatever happen in the end, it for you to decide. I have given my answer and now, i'm just waiting for your response.

Currently Listening: Lovefool - The Cardigans

credit for the person whom the image i have used.

memories brings back happy moments

Monday, November 5, 2007 9:55 PM

Today's menu: Bulgogi ^_^

mine is close to that except there's only meat n no sesame...cuz im allergic to sesame too...

Well, today, my theater class was canceled, so i went home early. I had all this list of plan that i was supposed to do, but i didn;t do them till, like 4 or 5 pm. Terrible me. I wasted 4-5 hours. OK, tomorrow, I need to do better than this. hehehe...

There's nothing much happening today, except looking at my computer. OK, let me tell you the truth, i wasted my free hours watching videos on youtube. argh! i'm sorry. lazy jenn just dun wanna stop watching.

OK, then I did my proposal and edit my paper a little. waaaa...now i'm just so sleepy. wakz! what should i do. I still have my other theater paper needed to be done. SHould i do it tomorrow?

btw, good achievement, i passed one day without eating food that makes me allergy. although the soy sauce may hv a little wheat on them. but it's a great improvement. I'M SO HAPPY!

Quote of the day: "The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns." -George Santayana

Currently Listening: Goodbye Baby - Big Bang

memories brings back happy moments

7:53 AM

OK..today, I did nothing much besides going to SG and edit my paper. I edited it while chatting with my dear sis, nerisa...wakakaka..ok she's starting to get addited to kibum oppa...unlike me, i prefer donghae oppa...hehehe...here's donghae oppa n kibum oppa if u guyz dunno them...

well, there was not much new things about them. Now i'm currently like to listen more of Big Bang songs. I;m not sure why, but their songs are so addicting. I love how unique TOP voice and how nice is it to listen to Seung Ri voice to. I love their songs: Lies and LaLaLa...they are great.

well...tokking about yamapi...OMG, he's so kawaii...hehehe...my sister show him to me. At first, I didn't like him. But after watching nobuta wo produce, i started to like him a lot..and watch a bunch of him dramas. He's so kawaii....a very funny guy....which reminds me...

watch this video and u'll understand....hehehe..he's always saying "kon kon" wakakak...

well, not much things to say. Today is a new day, leave the past behind and just look forward to future...hehehe...

Quote of the day: “To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”
Currently listening: Big Bang-Lalala

memories brings back happy moments

Sunday, November 4, 2007 1:04 AM

Well, today, i felt just ok...well, nothing special actually....yet it got worse...it seems that there's something missing in my heart that made me feel unhappy.I don;t know what it is...but what i am feeling right now...is not pleasant.

I did my hw today as usual, clean my bathroom and toilet...then watch dvd for a while. Nothing special. Then I went to church n went to teph's house to do nutri. Then i went to wei's surprise party. It was fun...but i just feel the excitement in me. I feel empty. I just dunno what causes it. I think i put on fake smile to cover what i feel now. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore...I need my angel to comfort me.

Quote of the day: "Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair." -William Blake
Currently Listening: Big Bang-Lie

memories brings back happy moments

Saturday, November 3, 2007 12:57 AM

finally, i went shopping..it was a lot of fun, although it wasn't lasted long. We only like when shopping for a few hours. OK, today, i totally being bullied two girls..OMG...hehehe first teph made me company her till her classes, then sylvia made me go back home n skool ASAP to company her to the bank...hahaha..then we went shopping. We went to teph house for a while, then clean her fridge!! OMG.....i can't describe it right now...it was...OMG...*speechless* u better thank me teph, for saving ur fridge...hahaha..it's clean now...well, next step, i'll help to tidy the freezer...it was OMG...full...hahaha

ok stop with OMG...i kept saying it...^^

had dinner at hooster...eat my fries as usual. sadly, my allergy is kinda annoying me. My face got red, a bit itchy, i got a blocked nose...Damn it!

well, there's nothing else i can do...

I love this song...

it would be perfect if i can do a duet with someone(i know, i sounded pretty lame)

Quote of the day: "Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either."
Currently listening: You and I both - Jason Mraz

memories brings back happy moments

Friday, November 2, 2007 7:23 AM

I know it's early to write a blog and too early to think about christmas, today i woke up with my mind full of christmas ideas. No idea where it come from, it just did. And I remember one particular scene that I love the most in the movie Love actually. It was the scene between Keira Knightley and Andrew Lincoln. Call me a fool for being so hopelessly

fell for this scene. I know this scene may look weird and too..you know...i dunno wad u call it...but i'm sure you know what i mean. I mean, it's obvious right girls want to sometimes have some boys giving her romantic stuff, i mean maybe of the time, but i'm sure that sometimes dream about it. I mean it's not wrong to dream. ok...please...i just woke up and still abit fuzzy in mind....so...maybe what i am tokking about don't really make sense...

Quotes of the day: "Love actually is all around."
Currently listening: Why can't I - Liz Phair

memories brings back happy moments

12:11 AM

well, "rajin"....i dun actually call today's as "rajin" i mean, i just clean my house a little, tidy some stuff up in living room, vacuum my carpet, do my laundry, tidy up my room a little...well, it's kinda little work, right...
then I do some school too, well, i did my maths hw, my paper research, read my nutri a little n read my theater stuff too..which is cool right...i mean it's not really "rajin" i just don;t like someone calling me "rajin" when i'm in fact not. I did my assignment ahead cuz i was bored n i didn;t want to do last minutes stuff..i just don't like it. well,
I went to grocery today, bought some stuff as usual...cuz i running out of veggies n fruits, soya milk n orange juice...GOD, i'll probably starve if i dun hv any of them at home...

well, got my nutri results...just as i expect it was OK...not excellent...it was OK...i already know this because i didn;'t work hard on them. well, i still hv another chance..im going to work hard on them...just wait...and see...

Quote of the day:"I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer." -Colette
currently listening: Journey-Angela Zhang

memories brings back happy moments

Thursday, November 1, 2007 5:57 AM

OK, i was planning to have a different title that i was going to write yesterday, but I fell asleep. Yesterday, I decided to take a nap on my futon at 5 then i woke up at 7 didn't realize the tiem, i thought it was 8 so i decided to continue sleeping on my bed....hahaha..and woke up at 6 am this morning...hahaha...great job!!!

well, i was supe supe happy yesterday. You know why??? My english paper, i got much higher than i expected and my maths paper i got way way higher than my previous exam, and i got no discussion class too. YAY!! so then i realize these 2 assignment I really work hard on them. I mean i spend hours finishing my 2nd draft and hours studying for my maths, worrying if i cannot do well. the other 2 exams, theater n nutri, i didn't put much effort on them. that's why, the result is just OK...well all i hv to now is...WORK HARD...then you'll be happy be the results....

Quote of the day: " I am you and you are love and that is what makes the world go around."
Currently Listening: Someday we'll know - Mandy Moore feat. Jonathan Foreman

memories brings back happy moments