Sunday, November 30, 2008 1:23 PM
I've been travelin on this road too long
Just tryin to find my way back home
The old me's dead and gone,
Dead and Gone...
holiday is over, now it's time to go back to reality.but the real world is too awful to go through, how can i go through it?
i'm so scared to look at the future.
oh please, turn back the time...
those quotes above are the thoughts i have been having for the past months.
I don't like to see or even look forward at the unplanned future. but guess wad, my future is unplan. i can't believe time go faster than me. i feel so insecure. sometime, i just feel im alone in this world. no one seems to understand me. the things i like arent the things that they like. they think im weird and they think im not important. i pretend to be someone im not. usually someone that they want me to be. but it's hard to keep going like this. mommy, daddy, i cant any longer take this pain. i want it to end. please. how can my smiles be slowly disappearing. how can my chest hurt so much. my head are so painful, feels like needles are poking all over my head. i wanna it to end. but everytime i talk to people, no one seems to understand it. do anyone care. i can't express it in me. i may look strong, independent and mature. but inside, im just like an ordinary people who had a feeling. the way people ignore me hurts me so much that i dunno what else i did wrong. wad am i to do, if this continues to grow.
the life road is too long, if it ends now, will it be better? i dun think so...but wad should i do to move on. i wanna be happy. that's all i want. but why can't i be happy. dun i have feelings to. i dun care about my relationship or even my love life. cuz i never been lucky or good enough for love. i have no space in my heart and my head to think about love. all i care now is my life. i wanted to learn to love someone. love GOD, love my family, love my friends, love my neighbor and love myself. i used to be a happy girl with no worries in her life. but i am not the same girl. i have changed. i have become someone insecure of myself that i myself dun even recognize. i hate this feeling. can it stop? i dun think so. should i move on? but i dunno how...somebody help me. for i am blind and i have lost my way out. and nobody cared.
thinking it was thanksgiving, i should be thankful. but who should i thank for.
1. GOD- He gave me a life, a world to live, and a family that love me unconditionally.
2. My family- no matter how mess up i am. they still love me. but it gives a burden to me. im such a shame to them.what should i do?
3. Joyce- to me, she is the friend who understand me. knows me better than anyone else. she's the one who fill up the gap in my life, cause she always have the words to comfort me. i'm glad she came into my life.
4. My second family - my friends have been my second family. there are ups and downs, but they care about me.
5. My dolls - all my dolphins and fishes are the best people who company during those lonely and miserable nights, maybe i can't hardly sleep without them.
currently listening: dead and gone - T.I feat. JT
memories brings back happy moments
