Monday, November 17, 2008 7:34 AM
Yesterday, I had a terrible headache. I couldn;t concentrate while i was in church. I dunno where the pain from, but i guess it's probably from the food i ate yesterday or the fact that i didnt sleep enough. After a weekend full of rest, this thought came last night that stop me from sleeping.
My nights have been restless, and i often wake up with no feeling of fatigue in my eyes, but my whole body seems gonna collapse.
I was scared to sleep last night, i just feel that i dun want it to end. There's thoughts in my mind, if i sleep, the days will soon end quickly and i am not prepared for tomorrow. So i decided to pray to GOD.
"God, I know i may have neglected you for a few days, I'm sorry. God, please help me go through this life. I felt that I am not the same person as I was 6 years ago. Everyday and Everynight, Im living with fear. in the past few days, I am scared to sleep cause there will be 2 choices that can happend to me. first, i may wake up tomorrow. 2nd, i may not wake up. God, give me strenghts, wisdoms and show me the way, where i should take my ship for now i am lost in the middle of the deep ocean....."
guess wad, im awake right now. that means, GOD give me the first choice. and I wake up and pray again this morning. asking him for direction. it might not be easy to tell this. though i put a smile on my face, but i just cant tell this to people that cared about me. i'm too scared and they will all say the same thing. don't worry....everything will be okay...but the words just seem to vague for me to believe them.
what should i do now? should i cry? it wont solve anything....should i back out from this life? that will be the easiest thing and the most coward way...should i face this challenges...i want to..but i just dun have enough strength...i feel tired. i just need someone to hug me, telling everything will be okay, despite of the words....if im too fraigile...i would probably start crying at that time...
i really want these worriedness to be over...
currently listenging: Your guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
memories brings back happy moments
