Saturday, May 17, 2008 9:10 PM
Come on, Grow up, you're 19. no longer a
child!
my parents said this to me. i guess, i cannot lose my character of being so childish. SOmetimes, i can be so stubborn that everything that i want, i MUST get it. i know it's wrong. i really have this bad habit, that if i don't get what i want, i would lock myself out, slammed doors and keep silent. It's pretty bad, doing this. well, my mom will scold me if i do this.I think i made the wrong choices. maybe I should've have gone home early. looking around me, people are busy with stuff, of course they wont come to keep me company. if i brag too much, i'lll just cause them trouble. so i'll probably keep the pain within me. it hurts though.people are busy. there's no to keep me company. my friends in CA are busy, the ones in Seattle too. My cupcake just started skool, so is my hunny. My muffin got her o'level. my friends in here got their jobs n summer class. and me. i stay at home. i guess, i'll probably make a fool of myself. sometimes when i told them, i'm not sad, i'm not hurt, but inside me, it does feel pain though. i can't tell people the truth. i guess i'm a very closed person. not easy for me to trust people with my feelings. cause i dun want people to see me as weak. but dun u think it make me look like a fake. i guess that's how i live my life. sometimes, it's too hard to be myself. i'm being all emo and moody right now. not because of my friends, just because i'm blaming myself to be such a babo. oh well, let it me, let me keep quiet. maybe they'll forget about it. i guess, what i wrote in the blog is really my true feelings. i mean im not a person who's good with words or talking with people. i like to keep my own problems to me. even my friends, my parents dun know about it. i can cry over silly things yet, there's sometimes no reason to cry.the song that i'm playing really keep me sad as the words are like:Apa ku tak pantas dicinta
Apakah diri ini tak layak mencinta
Apakah memang tak ada cinta untuk diriku ini
well, maybe i just need to stop being stubborn, selfish and greedy. u see it's not easy for me to love someone now,cuz i've been hurt sometimes. i'm tired of looking for new love. though i may be hungry for love, i ask people to love me, yet i can't lvoe other people. and i dun even love myself. how can i get love others then. right. i am really a babo. oh well, every seconds, minutes and days, have gone so quick, and why am i the only one that don't want to change?CUrrently Listening: Kisah Aku-Marvells
memories brings back happy moments
